Triggered Empathetic Responses

Last night was a beautiful summer evening, so my family and I stayed out enjoying it well after dark.  I had the baby and she wanted to look at the blinking lights in the shop windows.  Those bright blinking lights are so appealing to babies.  There were some loud people around, one man was especially loud but she ignored it all.  I took her lead and let her little pointed finger determine where we would go next and what we would talk about.  At one point, she looked up at the night sky and as she looked up, I supported her soft little head so that she could look ALLLL the way up for as long as she wanted.  At one point she realized I was supporting her head and I said “I’ve got you!” and gave her a gentle kiss.  The whole feeling must have felt quite lovely because after the first gentle kiss, she touched my hand and leaned in for another gentle kiss.  We did as many gentle kisses as she wanted and when she was done being kissed she just laid there, with my hand supporting her head, looking at the night sky.  In that moment, instead of following her gaze again, I looked up and realized that the tough, scruffy looking guy having a smoke and a beer had been watching us the whole time.  He smiled at me and when our eyes connected I saw that by witnessing this interaction between my daughter and I, he had softened.  He seemed to be more gentle also. We didn't say anything, we just connected with our eyes and enjoyed the shared peaceful moment. I thought perhaps that by witnessing our tenderness, we had triggered his empathetic response and he was now experiencing this soft, lovely evening, just as we were.  He was no longer fronting or swaggering, he was there with us, peaceful and gentle.

The empathetic response is really so amazing.  It has an actual name " Emotional Contagion" but I'm not sure how many people recongnize that name.  This response happens regularly but we’re often unconscious to it.

I unschool my kids right now but this was the first full back to school week for local kids and I was noticing the range of responses.  For some kids, the return to school this week was still exciting.  For others it was already becoming a familiar routine.  And for some, they had strong reactions, especially on Sunday night and Monday morning.  Having supply taught and worked in Ontario public schools as a teacher, I know that school and classroom environments vary widely.  Some are lovely and inclusive and non-judging while others have power dynamics and subtle undertones. Think for a moment how your child’s learning environment triggers their emotional contagion.  (If your child is sensitive, you’ll probably be more aware of their empathetic response.)  Loving and kind gestures within your child’s earshot and eyesight will likely trigger them to also feel loved and cared for.  They’ll be willing to take risks and approach life with a sense of curiosity.  If your child is in an environment where they witness harshness and power-over dynamics, even if it is not done *to them*, they may respond as though it was. A power-over environment can encourage a child to experiment with their own power-over behavior (aka bully culture).  Or they may react with tears Sunday night or Monday morning or “clingy” or eager to please behavior when you are together.  They may appear agitated and aggressive as their fight response runs its course through their body.  They may not even be able to articulate it because as adults, we are often unconscious of it ourselves.  In fact, as children, we were often taught to dismiss our own unidentified, uneasy feelings by our well-meaning care-givers, though the most sensitive of us find that an impossible task.  But as parents caring for our children in conscious ways, we can choose something different.

If your child is loving school, I am celebrating their joy with you.  There is nothing better than seeing your child feeling confident and content. If your child is signaling distress, I encourage you to be their support and advocate.  Alternatives exist.  Your responses have a big influence on how they value themselves and interpret the world.  Their empathetic response is triggered all the time and helping them to develop an awareness of it will honor their experience and give them a stronger voice and advocate.

What is it that kids like about Learning in the Woods?

For the past two weeks, I have been spending more time at Learning in the Woods and I have had a unique opportunity to observe more than engage with the children.  I found myself thinking, what is it that kids like about Learning in the Woods.  Here is what I discovered.

“No Have-To’s” or “Should’s”:  The kids are happy to be with us because they know they are not going to be pushed or cajoled into doing anything.  Our daily schedule is a welcome circle, FREE CHOICE, and a good bye circle.  Truly, the most valuable thing we have to offer kids is the freedom and space to pursue their interests, explore their feelings, engage with others, and just be.  This is an environment that cultivates mindfulness.  That is not to say that our time together is full of beautiful, calm moments…just the opposite actually.  It is the messiness and swirling chaos that produces moments of awareness.  That is learning.  Those moments of awareness help to fuel the next discovery and interaction.  

Supportive Caregivers: We have amazing facilitators.  We hire authentic people who value kids and understand about choice and freedom and self-awareness and respect.  The learning that happens in a schedule-free environment is not always easy to navigate, so believe me when I say, our facilitators are so very busy supporting kids the whole time. Having no schedule means that there are more occasions for children to directly or indirectly request support and our facilitators are there through every painful and joyful emotion.  Tanya once said about Learning in the Woods participant A, “I love her.  And I mean that.  I love her because I have sat with her through every emotion, the highest highs and the lowest lows and when you sit with someone through every emotion possible like that, you cannot help but love them at the end of it.”  Drop the mic.

A Safe Place for Full Expression of Who They Are: Kids like this camp because they can show up and express the fullest version of themselves.  There is no need to edit their likes or dislikes or interests.  We love nature AND Moana, Paw Patrol, Popular MMO’s and dancing to Bruno Mars.  We do our best to #nurturethewholechild and not just the parts that make for pleasing others and nice Instagram photos. 

A Safe Place for Full Expression of What They Feel:  Kids can be sad, angry, scared, or frustrated and no one will rush them through those feelings.  Have you ever been rushed through a feeling by a well-intentioned loved one?  It sucks.  It adds a layer of discomfort to a situation that already feels not so good, which is why you are expressing your discomfort out loud to begin with!  At Learning in the Woods, tears can roll, as there is no shame in crying.  Angry voices can shout or growl.  They can be noisy and rambunctious in their joy.  We are human and this is a place where we welcome a full expression of humanity.

Ultimately, we see kids as full humans.  Their requests and interests and worries and questions are treated with respect that the children CAN FEEL.  They know they are being listened to with respect and that sense of respect is what cultivates a bond and connection that allows the kids to feel safe. Kids feel confident to take risks and grow and learn in ways that ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM.  As an adult, don't you wish for these things too?

Hint Hint, the next blog is about Self-Connection in the Woods, our adult version of Learning in the Woods.

11 Easy to Follow Tips to Make Your Unschooling Journey a Complete Success for Everyone!

Ha!…said no unschooler ever.  But if that title grabbed your interest, I suspect you might be new to unschooling and perhaps you will find my list to be helpful.  Or perhaps you have been unschooling for a while, scoffed at this title, and clicked on it for that reason?  If you are not new to unschooling...maybe you can reflect on your own journey?  It was reflecting on my own unschooling journey that helped me to create this list.  Let's jump right in, shall we?

1. There is no singular way to unschool.  Unschooling is essentially letting the learner drive their own education…and be responsible for the outcomes.  The way this is done depends on many factors including balancing family needs and the resources you have available which sometimes boils down to geography or community.  So for example, a family that lives in the city might be in a better position to unschool by being immersed in the local community.  A family that lives in a rural setting might be better off unschooling by strewing materials around to be discovered.  A family that has a new baby may decide that they are going to scratch everything for a while and let the baby be the learning!  Unschooling is really just living your life and learning as you go.
2.  Unschooling requires significant amounts of time to play, explore, create, think, daydream, and "veg".  Much like a sleep cycle, the brain goes through learning cycles that bring about different emotions and require different energy levels.  Allowing for large blocks of time to pursue passions and interests and just “be” is a large part of the “how to” in unschooling.  Don’t focus on the "outputs" as you may not see the "outputs" for years. Trust the path, trust the journey, trust the learner.
3. Unschooling doesn’t mean “no routine”.  Some unschoolers think that to unschool, you need to shed all forms of conformity or organization, but this is actually just one style of unschooling (radical unschooling).  I think unschooling is more about allowing each person to pursue their life on their terms and within the context of the surroundings they find themselves in.  So if a family member thrives on routine, they should be encouraged to embrace routines.  Find the routines that work and toss the ones that don’t!  Maybe your kid needs a lot of social outlets to stay energized and excited about life.  A routine that involves regular social outlets will need to be part of the unschooling mix for that learner.  I need a certain amount of organization and routine in my family to ensure that everyone’s needs met. Mornings are spent out of the house connecting with peers and getting exercise in unstructured settings.  Afternoons are for little ones who nap and for those of us who don't nap, that's the time we spend building things, doing experiments, completing housework, watching Youtube, and getting some work done for We Learn Naturally.  Deciding whether there should be routines, what they should be, and how they should look is ideally a joint conversation, where everyone’s needs are freely expressed and, if possible, the routines created are mutually agreed upon.  You may decide no routines feels best for everyone, and that's cool, but it's just as cool to be an organized, routine-loving unschooling family.  Type A's can unschool too.  ;)
4. Unschooling does not mean that you are now a “permissive” parent.  A.S. Neill once said “Freedom does not equal license.”  Wise words.  Even if your family decides you like the no routine lifestyle, it doesn't mean that you live without personal boundaries.  Freedom to make individual choices happens within the context of a family, a community, and a larger society.  As a parent, allowing your child to make their own choices doesn't mean you will get walked all over.  If relinquishing control of learning to the kids leads your family to swing wildly into a zone that has you feeling ragged, it's time to think critically about your needs in this dynamic. Changing the power balance to allow for unschooling could mean that your family may need to find a new way of negotiating different requests but the point is that all members of the family are respected.  Some people may mistake unschooling parents as permissive because you need to give your child large chunks of time to play and do their own thing, which can look permissive to others who are not familiar with this style of learning.  In fact, unschooling families are anything but permissive.   This style of learning requires a really engaged, respectful style of parenting, which, quite truthfully, I find to be both challenging and immensely rewarding.  I need to be aware of my own needs, values, and insecurities so that I can stay in tune with where I end as a person and the child begins.  I regularly challenge myself to keep my own needs in check so that I do not impose my own set of values without giving the learner the freedom to explore the other options.  I want them to come to their own conclusions about life, and that involves conversation, research, and reflection.  This style of education requires tremendous trust on the part of the parents and the work involved in reaching that place of trust requires soul-searching reflection and critical thinking.  Honestly, this style of learning looks permissive only because we are so used to controlling children and their learning.
5. Your kid will need to deschool.  As a rule of thumb, for every year that your child has been in school, they will need one month of uninhibited, no pressure what-so-ever deschooling.  No worksheets, no telling the child what to do or how to do it…just truly letting them be.  I would also go a step further and say that children will need more time to deschool if they have spent time in a structured childcare environment or spent their summers and off-school hours in adult-directed camps.  Living with significant structure from a young age takes much longer to deschool.  I would also add that if you have engaged in traditional homeschooling for a while, where you as the adult in charge decided what is learned or assessed the learning in any way, you may find that your child might also need to deschool from you!  You are changing the power dynamic between the two of you and that takes time to discover how that will look and feel.  You may find that your child "tests boundaries", "over consumes" things that you used as rewards (screen time?), or avoids things that may have felt like a punishment (reading or writing?).  These are common reactions in democratic free schools as well.  In fact, some free schools or schools that offer unschooling or Self-Directed Education, will not take children above the age of 8 because they struggle to adapt to an SDE environment.  The kids just can't get past the testing stage.
6. You will need to deschool.  I've kind of touched on this one already.  Unschooling is essentially letting the learner drive their own education…and be responsible for the outcomes.  Making the decision to unschool is often a bigger deal for the parent.  You will be challenged to let go in ways you didn’t anticipate.  Sometimes the biggest challenge in unschooling resides within you.  You may find yourself thinking differently about things other than learning...the shift can be quite powerful!
7. Grandparents and close friends may need to deschool too for that matter.  And if they don't, that's fine too. Lots of people will not care that you are unschooling; some will be curious and some will be knowledgeable, but chances are that you will come across a person or two who are uncomfortable with the idea…and if those people love you, they may express their concerns frequently or at high volumes. From their perspective, we live in a very competitive environment and your loved ones want what is best for you and the kids.  My advice is to approach this conversation as you would any other difficult conversation;  listen to their concerns as a way to show your love, share your philosophy in an effort to connect, offer resources if they are interested in learning more, and most importantly, let go of the struggles that reside in *them*.  Remember, ultimately, the choice to unschool came from your child and your wish to support that.  Family and friends are more like background noise and their expression of concerns are really the expression of *their* needs and values.  The Polish phrase “Not your circus, not your monkey” comes to mind. 
   
8. Unschooling needs to be a choice for each member of the family who is involved in living it.  Unschooling is a mindset.  Kids don’t usually ask directly to do unschooling, but if they have never gone to school, they’ll just naturally fall into it.  As a parent, you may decide that unschooling fits your personal philosophy on learning, but if your child is requesting to attend school, explore that option with them.  In fact, exploring that option and allowing your child to make the choice to attend, or not attend, or attend for a day and then quit, is part of the unschooling learning process. In fact, it is possible to be an unschooler and attend a public school!  As long as it is a freely made choice and the decision to leave and pursue something else is a viable option, I would still consider you to be an “unschooling” family.  If it is not a freely made choice (such as a family divorce where one partner insists on a child attending public school and the courts agree), the child may still approach life with an unschooler’s attitude.  That may mean pursuing a passion outside of school and looking for ways to incorporate it in school or rejecting the aspects of school that do not work (such as treating a mandatory project as just a chore that needs to be done, putting little effort in, and accepting the poor mark.)  
9. You may drift in your intensity of unschooling.  We live in a culture that places parents (and other adults) firmly in charge of children so it is not surprising that parents find themselves feeling doubtful or fearful about their child’s chosen learning path.  Radical unschoolers challenge themselves to find ways to say “yes” to a child’s requests, but maybe for whatever reason, that degree of unschooling doesn’t sit well with you (yet).  Some parents feel more comfortable with project style unschooling or mixing in a bit of curriculum when they start to feel panicky.  If you find yourself trying to control what or how your child learns, it may indicate that you have more deschooling to do but I wouldn’t advise a parent to let go of their “parental authority” if they are not ready.  If you are not feeling the unschooling vibe, take a break and force your child to do a curriculum book.  See where it takes you.  Your kids may buck and refuse to do it…where do those reactions lead you?  It’s your learning path as a parent and a person, so embrace it all!  Ultimately, if you feel uncomfortable, take a step back and find your footing again.  If you are trying to force yourself into the unschooling mindset, just know that it cannot be forced, it can only emerge through self-awareness and freedom of choice.  Forcing it in any direction will lead to blaming yourself “I must be doing it wrong” or blaming others “unschooling doesn’t work” which can be a vicious cycle and really isn’t in the spirit of unschooling.
10. An unschooler may start to reject other structured activities, even if it isn’t school.  When my son first started to reject structured activities, I started to wonder what was going on.  “But you love soccer?!”  Then I realized, he does want to play soccer, but once he learned some basic skills, he just wanted to do it on his terms for a while.  Structured environments can be great for learning skills from others, so long as that is your motivation for being there.  When signing up for activities with a young unschooler, you may want to ask if you can try out a class first before paying for a whole session, just so your child can get a sense of whether they are truly interested in spending their time (and your money) in that environment.
11. An unschooler may prefer to spend time with others who have an unschooler mindset.  As you continue down the unschooling path, you may discover that your child gravitates to other people with an unschooling mindset.  Family members who want to be in charge of children and tell them what to do and when to do it may have a hard time establishing a warm relationship with your child.  Your child may start to drift apart from friends who have a need to rebel or a need to please.  It kind of makes sense really; your child will look for friends who value the same freedom of choice and have similar levels of self-awareness.  Making the choice to let go of friends who don’t really “get it” to make room for friends who do is actually a good sign of becoming settled in the unschooling journey.  As children age, society will welcome them as free-thinking adults more readily than as free-thinking children.  Either way, they will find their fit and they will benefit from the journey being their own.

So now that you have read my list,what do you think?  For those of you who are veteran unschoolers, have I forgotten anything?  For those of you who are new, my main point is that we’re all on our own learning journeys. The messy, uncomfortable moments are just as valuable as the moments when everyone around you nods in approval. This is the path of depth and therein lies the beauty.  I wish you the best on your journey and if you are still in the approval-seeking stage in your deschooling process, I applaud you for attempting to walk along this messy beautiful path. ;)

Labels Part 2

I've never had a blog before starting We Learn Naturally, so I'm learning as I go how they work.  While looking for a past blog post, I noticed that my blog post Labels had over 500 hits!  Woah.  When did that happen?  How did that happen?  So I decided to reread the post to see why it might have been so popular.

When I read Labels again, I had fresh eyes.  In the post, I gave an example of a mother's push back to break free of an ADHD label on her child.  I recognize that not all mothers have that privilege.  In fact, children are often born into multiple societal labels related to age, race, gender, sexual preference, religion, culture, and social class...and these labels are exceedingly difficult to push back on.  The word intersectionality comes to mind.

Hearing about the six year old girl from Mississauga, who is black, in a single parent home, with a mother who has cancer, (notice the number of labels this young girl falls under) who was restrained in handcuffs...sadly this doesn't shock me.  While I hope that restraining a child in handcuffs does not ever happen in Ontario, I know that it is happening in the US, where the 'school to prison pipeline' is more pronounced.  (Just writing that phrase "school to prison pipeline" sends shivers through my body, so if you shiver reading that, I'm with you.)  It may be illegal to spank or use corporal punishment in school, but it is not illegal to threaten, scare, punish, shame, or demean a little person who has is consistently "out of line" with school authority.  Even if it is not happening to your kid, this style of discipline is probably happening to other kids at your child's school. This is the school environment for many public schools in Ontario and it happens most often where the populations are vulnerable and kids carry multiple labels. We know through studies involving spanking or other forms of corporal punishment that there is an escalation of violence or an escalation of force when using negative reinforcement.  Well, the same is true if force or violence is used in a school setting. Now, I realize I have a broader view of what violence entails than your regular Facebook moms' group (thanks to nonviolent communication), but basically schools are using reinforcement tactics that are violent with our most vulnerable young people.  (Violence meaning basically anything that brings about harm or pain.)

Since starting Learning in the Woods, I have been humbled by the number of emails we receive from, usually moms, who have stories that are on the same vein as the Mississauga 6 year old.  Perhaps their child was not restrained by handcuffs or has fewer labels, but they are certainly desperate for an educational alternative for their child.  Moms who are in the difficult position of trying to explain to their child that they are not the problem, or that adults like teachers, principals, and police should be trusted, or that schools should be safe.  What an impossible task, right?  How do you undo those messages of violence and power?  How does a mom with a job and her own set of labels and pain take on that entire system?  (Answer:  She doesn't, at least she can't do that alone which is why we need to support this Mississauga mother by writing to the superintendent or saying no to shame and violence at your child's public school.  Or if you are a mom fighting it alone, maybe you conserve your energy and direct it towards figuring out how to get your child out of that specific violent environment.)

When I receive these calls, emails, or PM's, it's sometimes hard to know how to offer support.  Not only, is the mainstream school system not serving their child, it is damaging them.  As parents grapple with how best to navigate among just a few alternatives to main stream education (which will be one alternative stronger with the opening of The Barn School!) I can't help but notice that the kid has a better shot at breaking free of the labels and systemic violence if their parents also break free. The truth is, that without parents acting as strong advocates, it's really hard for a child to endure that alone without some sort of repercussion.

Here is a Self-Directed Education (SDE) advocate and mom Akilah Richards sharing her reasons behind choosing SDE.  She is a writer and poet, so her words will inspire you to "raise your child as a free person" with a "right to design their own path" (paraphrased) better than I ever could.

As awful as this experience has been for this family, I can see that it brings about an opportunity for conversation and the possibility  to create some real change in our public education system.  I find that inspiring!  I want to be part of that!  But this real life story also reminds me why I chose to get out of the public system and start something new.  I need real alternatives to be available now.  I have a need for security and healing for those around me.  I can use my privilege to bring an alternative forward for those who cannot wait or do not have the patience to work through systemic change.  I see the work of We Learn Naturally as being part of a larger change that we are probably all motivated to see happen.  This is just my route and I look forward to seeing where it leads me.

Alternative Routes to College and University by Chelsea Bohnert

No Curriculum?? No Grades?? No Transcripts?? But HOW will your children ever get into College/University?

When I first began my journey as an “unschooling” mother I was met with endless questions by countless people. Won’t you get sick of being with your kids all day? Don’t you have to be a teacher to teach your kids at home? What about socialization? How will your kids ever get into college or university without report cards or transcripts?

For the record, I happen to have well-informed answers to all of the above, and I am more than happy to share anytime, however, it is the last question which has plagued me the most lately. Perhaps, I loathe it so, because we have begun writing the blue print for We Learn Naturally’s new project-based learning school, The Barn School (2017) and we will not be offering the Ministry of Ontario standardized curriculum, report cards or transcripts. It is also bothersome, because I get asked this question so frequently that it occurred to me that most people automatically assume that report cards and transcripts ensure that all students who attend mainstream school will continue on to postsecondary studies. Unfortunately, the truth is that this is one of the most commonly accepted fallacies about what mainstream education offers. Also, embedded within this false belief is another untrue assumption. That every individual must continue on to college and university in order to be successful. As a passionate advocate for alternative education in Ontario, I feel that it is imperative that we begin to educate ourselves about what we accept to be true without questioning, and how we miss out on so much, as a result. So, with a couple of statistics and few of my own observations, I hope to ease doubts and open minds, to the endless possibilities that educational alternatives can provide, INCLUDING college and university if that is what a child desires.

Being the oh-so studious person that I am (hehehe), I jumped onto trusty Google Scholar to find out just how many students actually pursue post-secondary studies here in Ontario.  Statistics Canada reports that 56 per cent of Ontarians have attained a postsecondary credential. This number is compiled of approximately 28 per cent holding a college credential and another approximately 28 per cent holding a university credential.  According to the Ontario Confederation of University Faculty Association (OCUFA),   Ontario actually has one of the highest post-secondary attainment rates in the world, and our province alone ranks higher than Japan (44 per cent) and the US (41 per cent). Not bad, eh? Okay, so now we have some cold hard numbers to work with. Even if we are to assume that the majority of this 56 per cent group attended mainstream educational institutions, what happened to the other 44 per cent? There are many possible answers to this. For one, Statistics Canada reports that Ontario had a drop-out rate of roughly 8-9 per cent in 2004. Secondly, we all know that there are many successful artists, inventors, tradespersons, entrepreneurs, apprentices, retailers and hospitality servers who did not require post-secondary education to find meaningful employment (I will leave digging further into this topic for another post). So again, for arguments sake, I have to point out that even if we were to assume that every person in Ontario were to attend mainstream education and receive all of the grading and corresponding transcripts, only a little more than half are actually going to pursue post-secondary education anyways.

Since we now have these approximate numbers to work with, let’s look at what researchers have found to be predictors of post-secondary attainment.  Is it really based on what curriculum is received or how students are instructed? Is the number one predictor of postsecondary attainment really attendance at a mainstream school, as many so adamantly believe to be true? The short answer is HECK NO! But to explain a little further, while instructional methods and school attendance can of course be predictors of postsecondary attainment, the most leading determinants of postsecondary attainment have nothing to do with either. Socioeconomic status is actually one of the leading predictors of attaining higher education. Parental income levels, parental educational attainment levels, and family backgrounds, culture and values play a profound role in the educational outcomes of children (Here is where I would insert another very passion fueled discussion on the social justice issues pertaining to equal access to education in Canada, however, I will put that in the “parking lot” for a future post). The main point I am trying to make here is that, rather than relinquishing all responsibility of educational outcomes to external factors such as attending mainstream school, families must become empowered to believe in their own values and what they bring to the table in order to explore and obtain the best outcome for each individual child. If university is the desired goal, it is achieved by far more than simply sending kids to a school for them to be graded. 

If I were writing this even just 10 years earlier, most of the evidence I could provide for this argument would stop right here. But since in recent years, equality and accessibility have been placed at the forefront in of educational reform, there are soooooo many amazing ways to access higher education without all of the grades and transcripts of mainstream education. Open learning has been introduced with the understanding that many barriers such as ability, class, race, geographical location etc. exist and have prevented learners from accessing higher education in the past. Open learning considers these barriers and removes admissions requirements beyond needing to be 16 years of age to attend. Now public institutions in Canada such as Athabasca University and Thompson Rivers University offer open learning, distance education programs to meet the needs of alternative learners (And a little FYI on the credibility and success of distance learning programs. Today, students can even obtain a BEng, BSW, MSW, BScN through online learning and I read that the Law Society of Canada anticipates that we will have a completely distance JD program (law degree) by 2020!). This leaves the door wide open for homeschoolers or alternative education route students to attend these institutions, transcript free as well! I speak of distance education first hand, because I was a high school drop-out myself, and now hold a Bachelor’s degree from Athabasca University! Aside from these and many other incredible distance options, homeschoolers have been paving the way for decades now, and virtually every postsecondary institution in Ontario has an alternative route to gaining admission into their programs. Check out the extensive list of university admissions policies for alternative learners, compiled by the Ontario Federation of Teaching parents. Portfolios, interviews, mature applicant status, college transfers and articulation agreements are all ways that students without traditional school transcripts can attend college or university…or both!

Now there you have it. No curriculum, solid family values and a positive learning environment can definitely get your child to university. On the other hand, K-12 attendance at a mainstream education could still place your child in the 44 per cent of students who does not continue on to higher learning. And of course with a quick switch of certain variables, the reverse outcomes are indeed possible for each scenario. Simply put, grades, transcripts and curriculum alone, are not going to guarantee postsecondary success for your children. The only sure fire way of knowing if your child will attend college or university is to nurture them so that they can discover if that is truly the path they want to take. Don’t let the fear of swimming against the current or a false sense of certainty prevent you from choosing the best educational fit for your family.

Finally, I want to clarify just one more thing while we’re on this topic. I am in no way asserting that homeschooling, democratic schools or any other educational alternatives are superior to the mainstream. Instead, I am advocating for increased awareness and support to offer solutions to those who need and want them. What if by giving support to families and communities/institutions offering alternatives, we could get that 56 per cent to climb to 75?  I believe with all of my heart, that homeschooling, unschooling, Democratic Schools, Waldorf, Montessori and mainstream education can all exist harmoniously rather than in competition and comparison of each other. Let’s face it; people learn, think and grow in different ways and the current one-size-fits-all educational system is limiting our children from their reaching full potential.

Chelsea is a facilitator for We Learn Naturally and director of the future DiverseCity School in Hamilton.

labels

My husband has the gift of being able to quickly and accurately see the essence of a person.  He is an engineer in his categorical thinking and that's true even when he deals with people.  It's especially helpful for him in his sales position.  Right away he understands a person's motivations and interests and then he can get right to the heart of their problem and needs.

I, too, can see how labels can be helpful.  If you share some common characteristics with others, you can self-identify with a group and find support.  Like I do with unschoolers and Attachment Parents and Vegetarians.  Also, services can be offered to a group of people for faster and for less money to groups with common characteristics.

Of course, labels have their drawbacks too.

A friend of mine recently made a comment that really stuck with me.  She was talking about her experience in being labelled by others.  She said, "I don't usually think about (my label).  I just walk around, living my life and in my daily life, (my label) doesn't define me."  I thought, how true!  Most of us fit into many labels but we don't make decisions about our lives based on whether or not our choices fit with the perceptions behind those labels.  We just make decisions based on who we are and what works for us. 

I think labels cause damage when the people being labelled have to fight for control over the perception of their label.  I am blessed with some really lovely people in my life, some of whom happen to be gay and lesbian.  Every once in a while, there will be a media spotlight on GLBT issues and watching some reactions from the public makes me think how hurtful this label can be when it's used by people to judge in ignorant or hateful ways.  The GLBT community has worked steadily to remove the stigma and hopefully one day it will be a non-issue for people, just a descriptor word instead of the heavy label it can still be today in Canada.

I think that labels can be most hurtful and harmful when the people being labelled are vulnerable and impressionable.  They are powerless to influence the perception of their label and may even be conditioned to believe they embody the negative perceptions of their label.  Some parents are wonderful advocates for their children who are labeled, changing society's perceptions and understandings.  Other parents fight the labelling process altogether, believing the downsides of the label are more harmful than the potential benefits.

As a public school teacher, I remember a strong mother who fought hard to protect her son from being labelled.  Her child was judged to be ADHD from the start of his school career.  By the time he reached me in his primary school years, there was a lot of pressure on his parents from staff and admin to get him tested, give him the official ADHD label, get him meds, and enroll him in special programming at school.  His mother FOUGHT the official labelling process, believing her son would be able to excel beyond our expectations, if he were given enough time to mature and the opportunity to learn how to manage himself.  I know that was a difficult decision for her and perhaps not the right decision for every family, but I sure learned a lot from her example.  That year, I trusted her, and she trusted him, and I had my first foray into true self-directed learning, unschooling style.  The results of his growth changed me.  He is an amazing kid, full of heart, ideas, and passion, but with a different set of parents, I wonder how things might have worked out for him?  His mom trusted the core of who he was more than she trusted the system he was in.  Would he have blossomed with the label following him everywhere and special programming that didn't understand his mom's larger vision of who he could become?  She was motivated by love and trust for him and she understood the power of a label.  In his situation, I think his mom made the right call.

Parenting is a challenge and no one understands this more than parents with children who are "labelled" at a young age.  A label on a child is essentially a label the parent carries too; for better or for worse.  So to all of the moms and dads of labelled children who have found We Learn Naturally, welcome.  We know you are here because you have a larger vision of who your child could be.  We are all bigger than our labels.  This organization was created with your kids in mind.