What is it that kids like about Learning in the Woods?

For the past two weeks, I have been spending more time at Learning in the Woods and I have had a unique opportunity to observe more than engage with the children.  I found myself thinking, what is it that kids like about Learning in the Woods.  Here is what I discovered.

“No Have-To’s” or “Should’s”:  The kids are happy to be with us because they know they are not going to be pushed or cajoled into doing anything.  Our daily schedule is a welcome circle, FREE CHOICE, and a good bye circle.  Truly, the most valuable thing we have to offer kids is the freedom and space to pursue their interests, explore their feelings, engage with others, and just be.  This is an environment that cultivates mindfulness.  That is not to say that our time together is full of beautiful, calm moments…just the opposite actually.  It is the messiness and swirling chaos that produces moments of awareness.  That is learning.  Those moments of awareness help to fuel the next discovery and interaction.  

Supportive Caregivers: We have amazing facilitators.  We hire authentic people who value kids and understand about choice and freedom and self-awareness and respect.  The learning that happens in a schedule-free environment is not always easy to navigate, so believe me when I say, our facilitators are so very busy supporting kids the whole time. Having no schedule means that there are more occasions for children to directly or indirectly request support and our facilitators are there through every painful and joyful emotion.  Tanya once said about Learning in the Woods participant A, “I love her.  And I mean that.  I love her because I have sat with her through every emotion, the highest highs and the lowest lows and when you sit with someone through every emotion possible like that, you cannot help but love them at the end of it.”  Drop the mic.

A Safe Place for Full Expression of Who They Are: Kids like this camp because they can show up and express the fullest version of themselves.  There is no need to edit their likes or dislikes or interests.  We love nature AND Moana, Paw Patrol, Popular MMO’s and dancing to Bruno Mars.  We do our best to #nurturethewholechild and not just the parts that make for pleasing others and nice Instagram photos. 

A Safe Place for Full Expression of What They Feel:  Kids can be sad, angry, scared, or frustrated and no one will rush them through those feelings.  Have you ever been rushed through a feeling by a well-intentioned loved one?  It sucks.  It adds a layer of discomfort to a situation that already feels not so good, which is why you are expressing your discomfort out loud to begin with!  At Learning in the Woods, tears can roll, as there is no shame in crying.  Angry voices can shout or growl.  They can be noisy and rambunctious in their joy.  We are human and this is a place where we welcome a full expression of humanity.

Ultimately, we see kids as full humans.  Their requests and interests and worries and questions are treated with respect that the children CAN FEEL.  They know they are being listened to with respect and that sense of respect is what cultivates a bond and connection that allows the kids to feel safe. Kids feel confident to take risks and grow and learn in ways that ARE IMPORTANT TO THEM.  As an adult, don't you wish for these things too?

Hint Hint, the next blog is about Self-Connection in the Woods, our adult version of Learning in the Woods.

The gift of discomfort

Yesterday I felt so insecure.  One of the great gifts of trying to do something outside of the "norm" is that there are so many opportunities for me to be humbled.  Yesterday I had a big humble.  I got to see how I fail and how I struggle. It's a huge gift to see that but it's also uncomfortable and difficult to live with. 

I experienced this humbling message right before I hosted a play date. There were new friends, old friends, and their kids all coming to my house for some fun on the beach.  Yet, minutes before their arrival, all I wanted to do was be still and quiet with my humbling pain. I didn’t tell my friends I was feeling raw and insecure. I wasn't fake with those around me because that might be denying my pain but I wasn't trying to connect deeply either because connecting deeply wasn't possible when I felt that kind of insecurity. So, I just sat with those feelings inside me and allowed gentle friendships to carry me for a bit. It was riding a wave and allowing other people to keep me floating for a while.  Keeping quiet but floating helped me to get me to a space that felt a bit calmer and safer.   

The safety didn’t actually mean processing the insecure feelings! Safety was connecting to a friend who “gets” it like I do.  It was nice to just by listen to her, something I enjoy doing, and feel as though I have something to offer. Safety came while fulfilling a commitment and realizing “I am feeling so sad, I’m just not able to fulfill this commitment the way I had hoped.” Being honest with myself while still honoring my commitment met my need for authenticity. Listening to another beautiful friend express her strength and self-awareness of her challenges made me feel thankful to get to watch her as she blooms. Feeling insecure kept me quiet and what I received in that quiet seemed more beautiful as a result.

Somehow, with those moments of safety, the insecure feelings just lived in me. I didn't try to understand them. I just went about my day and the humbling feeling gave me clarity to see the gifts that discomfort can bring. In that way, the discomfort and insecurity was honored.

I think this is sometimes the way life goes.  Sometimes we feel insecure and we get to choose what we do with that feeling.  Disconnecting from it, though it is painful, dulls me to the beauty of life. Processing it in the moment wasn't actually going to serve me either, it would have felt like I was rushing through the feeling or spinning it in my head.  Sitting with it, even though it was uncomfortable, gave me a new perspective which is maybe the point of that feeling anyway.

As a parent, partner, friend, and contributer to the world, perhaps you’ll be given the same gift I was yesterday; a gift that brings you rawness and clarity to see the beauty in this world with fresh eyes. 

Creative Leap

There are so many people who have an vision of what the perfect educational environment is.  I am part of a new Facebook group that aims to discuss alternatives to education in our area.  It’s a new group, so we are really just sharing our backgrounds and the type of education we wanted for our children.  As I read through the introductions, I found myself inspired, impressed, and amazed by these brilliant and motivated minds coming together! 

And then I felt pangs of self-doubt about We Learn Naturally.  Who am I to think I can do this?  I’ve got some great facilitators on board here, but what if I can’t give them what they need?  What if We Learn Naturally fails?  (Believe me, I am regularly reminded of all the ways it could fail!)  I am trying my best, and all of the facilitators and their families are giving a lot of themselves for this, but what if it isn’t enough?  What if it doesn’t meet expectations of the families?  What if We Learn Naturally isn’t what people are looking for?

Self-doubt and shame go hand in hand for me.  I find them crippling.  They knock me off and I shut down.  So for a day, I retreated into myself.  It’s the only way I know how to get grounded again. 

And in my retreat, knowing I was in a serious shame-spiral, I did a quick search of all things related to Brene Brown and I came across this podcast.  Take a moment and give it a listen.

http://explore.brainpickings.org/post/129234866348/the-question-becomes-whats-worth-doing-even-if

After retreating and this podcast, I found my footing again.  This is what I am trying to do.  I am trying to give kids an environment that allows them to express themselves as they need to.  I am trying to shield them from judgement because through their self-expression, they will find peace in themselves.  They don’t need to be famous or make a living through their means of self-expression, they just need to be given the space to do what they need to do.  I’m doing my best to lower the risk threshold so that they can follow their creativity and be more whole because of it.

This podcast also helped me to reflect back to the new Facebook group.  We all have different visions of the ideal education and different routes to reach those ideals.  We don’t need to be aligned.  We are each following our own creative path and if we can create the right community of openness, we can help each other.  We can expand this pie.

And I'm back.  Shame spiral and self-doubt are done.

Making the decision to start We Learn Naturally also involved a phone call to a friend who regularly makes the choice to embark on her own creative leaps into the air.  Sometimes she falls, which hurts, and sometimes she has this amazing jump and she lands beautifully.  And just like in the podcast, she said it's not actually about the landing, it's about the time you spend in the air...and my dear friend made it clear that for her, there was no choice but to make that creative jump.  She couldn't NOT do it. 

We Learn Naturally embodies all I have learned so far in life.  That's a pretty huge statement, no wonder I am scared. 
But right now I am so thankful to be making this creative leap.

labels

My husband has the gift of being able to quickly and accurately see the essence of a person.  He is an engineer in his categorical thinking and that's true even when he deals with people.  It's especially helpful for him in his sales position.  Right away he understands a person's motivations and interests and then he can get right to the heart of their problem and needs.

I, too, can see how labels can be helpful.  If you share some common characteristics with others, you can self-identify with a group and find support.  Like I do with unschoolers and Attachment Parents and Vegetarians.  Also, services can be offered to a group of people for faster and for less money to groups with common characteristics.

Of course, labels have their drawbacks too.

A friend of mine recently made a comment that really stuck with me.  She was talking about her experience in being labelled by others.  She said, "I don't usually think about (my label).  I just walk around, living my life and in my daily life, (my label) doesn't define me."  I thought, how true!  Most of us fit into many labels but we don't make decisions about our lives based on whether or not our choices fit with the perceptions behind those labels.  We just make decisions based on who we are and what works for us. 

I think labels cause damage when the people being labelled have to fight for control over the perception of their label.  I am blessed with some really lovely people in my life, some of whom happen to be gay and lesbian.  Every once in a while, there will be a media spotlight on GLBT issues and watching some reactions from the public makes me think how hurtful this label can be when it's used by people to judge in ignorant or hateful ways.  The GLBT community has worked steadily to remove the stigma and hopefully one day it will be a non-issue for people, just a descriptor word instead of the heavy label it can still be today in Canada.

I think that labels can be most hurtful and harmful when the people being labelled are vulnerable and impressionable.  They are powerless to influence the perception of their label and may even be conditioned to believe they embody the negative perceptions of their label.  Some parents are wonderful advocates for their children who are labeled, changing society's perceptions and understandings.  Other parents fight the labelling process altogether, believing the downsides of the label are more harmful than the potential benefits.

As a public school teacher, I remember a strong mother who fought hard to protect her son from being labelled.  Her child was judged to be ADHD from the start of his school career.  By the time he reached me in his primary school years, there was a lot of pressure on his parents from staff and admin to get him tested, give him the official ADHD label, get him meds, and enroll him in special programming at school.  His mother FOUGHT the official labelling process, believing her son would be able to excel beyond our expectations, if he were given enough time to mature and the opportunity to learn how to manage himself.  I know that was a difficult decision for her and perhaps not the right decision for every family, but I sure learned a lot from her example.  That year, I trusted her, and she trusted him, and I had my first foray into true self-directed learning, unschooling style.  The results of his growth changed me.  He is an amazing kid, full of heart, ideas, and passion, but with a different set of parents, I wonder how things might have worked out for him?  His mom trusted the core of who he was more than she trusted the system he was in.  Would he have blossomed with the label following him everywhere and special programming that didn't understand his mom's larger vision of who he could become?  She was motivated by love and trust for him and she understood the power of a label.  In his situation, I think his mom made the right call.

Parenting is a challenge and no one understands this more than parents with children who are "labelled" at a young age.  A label on a child is essentially a label the parent carries too; for better or for worse.  So to all of the moms and dads of labelled children who have found We Learn Naturally, welcome.  We know you are here because you have a larger vision of who your child could be.  We are all bigger than our labels.  This organization was created with your kids in mind.

Learning to Let Go

This is a Featured Guest Post by Meaghan Jackson.  I love Meaghan's writing style and perspective on parenting and learning.  I hope you do too!  Check out her blog link at the bottom!  Enjoy.



Learning to let go and trust as a parent is not always easy.  We have been entrusted with the safety, development and education of our precious little ones.  The enormous weight of that can lay heavily upon us.  But I want to reassure you that trusting your children will build confidence in everyone in the family.  The benefits and blessings will overwhelm you!

Most children have a sense of their own limitations.  Okay so not all children or developmental stages have this down yet. It may not be apparent when your toddler is climbing chairs to get onto the table, but perhaps that child has good coordination and balance.  Take the same child to a park and let him/her go.  You will be impressed and maybe a little scared at first.  At some point you’ll notice that they might hesitate and not feel so comfortable, say with the pole or monkey bars.  As a parent you are there for overall safety, but do not need to hover or limit children from physical activity based on age.  The opposite is also true for a more hesitant child.  When I first started my daycare there was a little girl who clung to me while crossing the wide balance beam we had made. I was there to support her as she felt she needed it.  Now a few years later she will try to climb half way up a fallen tree before wanting my hand for extra stability.  Just try it out, stand back a bit and let your child go. They will feel so proud of themselves.  This is truly building self-confidence without false praise.

I also want you to only do what you feel comfortable with.  You know your own limitations.  For myself I tend to stop my boys when I know I can’t safely reach them or guide them down.  They love to climb trees, but at the moment they can only go so high before I don’t feel it is safe.  And that is okay.  We are a family exploring and learning together.  Something that has helped us when out in nature (even at home) is to teach the kids about risk assessment.  It doesn’t need to be too formal, but if my boys wanted to climb something I may simply say: “That sure looks like a lot of fun, what should we keep in mind to be sure you’ll be safe while climbing?”  We may look for broken branches or dangers on the ground.  The more often we talk about things together the more comfortable I feel as a parent letting go.  See now every one is feeling more confident and bonds between parent/child are strengthened.

Children learn when they are interested in something. Our babies learn to roll, crawl walk and talk without specific instruction or lessons.  Yet we feel the pressure to do more as they get older.  Every family makes their own choices about education.  It is a personal thing I know.  But no matter what choice you make you can still choose to trust that your child is naturally curious and wants to learn about the world around them.  Observe your child, take an interest in what they love.  Offer yourself more as a facilitator and see where that leads, even if that is after a regular school program.  I have plenty of posts on this over at my blog.  One big step we took was in trusting my son with learning to read.  He did this in his own time and that is okay.  When a child can be trusted to learn (this can be anything from academics, skipping, cooking…) they will grasp and retain it more deeply and often faster, because it means more to them.

Play is the work of children.  They take what they have observed and solidify the concepts in their play.  It is a beautiful thing that we need to encourage and embrace.  Children also learn through imitation.  It takes a great deal of courage as a parent to trust that their play is valuable and important.  Children need unstructured time to grow and develop.  To an adult it can look as a waste of time, or just silly play.  Some times we all need a little play time to unwind!  But when you trust and believe that what they are doing is of value, you will start to see the messy playroom through a different lens.  Once you start to research, read, ask questions and go with what you feel is best for your children, put it into practice.  You will gain more confidence in your self and start to trust yourself!  This can be a huge step for parents trying to make decisions that are different from family and friends around them.

Children can negotiate and work their way through social interactions we don’t always need to step in.  I have seen so much growth in my boys since starting to attend the Little Seeds meet-ups. One day in the forest the boys were playing some type of tagging game.  There were good guys and bad guys.  After a short while we noticed that all the bad guys wanted to be on the good team.  The children gathered to decide who should be on which team.  As parents we were curious to see how this might play out.  We stood back and watched with interest.  The children tried eenie-meenie-minie-mo to put people onto the bad team.  But then those kids still didn’t want to be bad guys.  So they talked some more and decided to play a different game entirely running up and down a hill.  It was beautiful.  Children are fully capable of collaborating, sharing their feeling and working together.  We also need to let go and allow the children to speak up and voice when they don’t like something that is happening.  This may take some adult help for the quieter spoken ones, but it really makes more of a difference to hear it from another child rather than an adult. 

Something that can help with social interactions is to play the roll of a sports-caster.  Simply stating back to the children what they are saying can help them to come up with solutions.  Our role again is to help them problem solve not to tell them what to do.  Try asking the children to come up with guidelines, rules, and solutions.  Often times they will come up with the same things or more than you had in mind.  It may take some time and not always work how you expected.  But over time they will learn valuable life skills and trust their own decision-making.  You will have more confidence in your child too.

Children can be trusted to make decisions.  Now this totally depends on your personal parenting style and comfort level.  If it doesn’t resonate with you that is okay.  In our home I try to let my boys have more freedom to make everyday decisions.  My older son will go outside to check the weather and then choose what he’d like to wear.  My younger son would live in footie jammies all day long, but prefers to get dressed if we are going out to a public place.  So I let them pick their clothes (from those that I’ve already sorted through and brought into our home).  If our home is well stocked with healthy food then my boys can pack their own snacks for an outing and help to make a lot of their own meals.  We do talk a lot about healthy eating and their personal food sensitivities.  I thought for sure when I gave them more freedom that they’d only eat junk.  Really they do eat variety over the week, provided it isn’t right before grocery day.  I’d like to encourage you wherever you are at to trust your children enough to give them more choices and freedom.  It will build their confidence and help to encourage cooperation since you aren’t always telling them what to do all day.

As you can see, when we let go a little and trust it builds confidence in everyone.  This allows more trust, deeper connections and amazing things to happen in our family!  If you are still unsure or hesitant about letting go of too much control, that it totally understandable.  Try journaling about your feelings.  Write down what you observe.  Take pictures or keep track of any successes.  Look back over your journal, especially on those rough days.  You will be pleasantly surprised at how far you’ve come!

Meaghan is the director of Learning in the Woods.  She also home schools her children and blogs over at Joyful Mud Puddles.