Inspiring Superheroes

I was all set to devote my blog writing time to the next segment in my quest to compare SDE, Public Education, Montessori, and Waldorf styles of learning when I got side-tracked by the US election.  I suddenly had a lot to process*.  I just needed to hold still for a moment.  Then I needed new hope, new inspiration.  Enter Sunbeam.  This past summer, my son’s dear friend who is in public school, was enrolled in a half day arts summer camp entitled Heroes and Villains.  My son is not into programs with a lot of structure but he loves his friend and in an effort to spend more time with him, he decided to take part.  He spent four days working on this creation.  When he finished the art camp, he didn’t want anyone to gush over his art as he detests insincerity and he had no interest in talking about it.  So we hung his art in his bedroom and didn’t talk about it.

Wednesday night, as I helped him get ready for bed, I asked him “Can you tell me a little bit about Sunbeam?  Is Sunbeam a superhero or a villain?”

“Sure.  She’s a hero.” 

I was surprised.  I thought Sunbeam was a boy because so many Superheroes are males and since a little boy created him, I just assumed that he would create a male character.  “She’s a girl?  And a Superhero?” 

“Yes!  Can’t you see the long green hair? And the cape?” He was annoyed that I didn’t see this.

“I guess I saw the frown and just assumed Sunbeam was an angry villain.”

“Yes, she is frowning.  Superheroes frown too you know.  When she is happy, sunbeams come out of her eyes and her light shines everywhere and everyone feels warm inside.  When she is angry, the sunbeams are like electric shocks and she shocks the bad guys.  When she is sad, it is truly sad, because the sunbeams that come from her eyes are like she is losing energy, the sunbeams are like her blood.  She is frowning because she is the only superhero and there are A LOT of bad guys that she has to fight.  And she could really use a vacation.”

Wow.  He put a lot of thought into that.  What an interesting superhero!  Suddenly I felt inspired again and here is why.  Invited Conversations is one of my favorite blog posts not because I feel proud of the writing but because I believe so strongly in the message.  It’s about how important it is to surround yourself with people that inspire you, not just for your own growth and development but for your children too.  When your kids are nearby, they soak up everything you bring in their space.  Learning about Sunbeam helped me realize that over the past two years, my son has played at Little Seeds, Learning in the Woods, and Barn School meetings with inspiring women talking nearby.  He has played in the sun as we shared our joys and struggles as mothers who are trying to do something different.  So of course Sunbeam is a woman.  Of course she is a superhero.  Of course she has a full range of emotions with the power to light up the room, shock the “bad guys”, and feel drained in her sadness.  Isn't that the description of all great mothers everywhere?

Thursday morning I woke up thinking of Sunbeam again.  I asked my son if I could have the painting when he was done with it.  He smiled and said yes, recognizing that I truly appreciated his art.  My heart swelled with love.  All superheroes have moments when they feel like the job is bigger than they are but they keep going because that is their job.  I was inspired again and if you are feeling lost or overwhelmed, I hope you find your inspiration too because, my fellow Sunbeams, the world needs us more than ever to shine our light and shock the bad guys.  

And apparently there are a lot of bad guys and no time for a vacation!   

*If you are in a place where you are processing a lot of emotions and finding it difficult to move forward, I would recommend this read by Yoga guru and Blissology creator Eion Finn.  It’s in line with what we are trying to do at We Learn Naturally; create a space where emotions are processed and expressed in their entirety without judgement or pressure to move past them in an effort to make other people more comfortable.  http://www.blissology.com/blog/light-soon-but-first-tears/

The Diversity Bridge to Empathy by Chelsea Bohnert

Since my 5000 km move across the country from Ontario to British Columbia, I have experienced a significant amount of turbulence as we attempt to lay down fresh roots so far away from all that we know and love. There have been times where I have literally cried out as I questioned what my husband and I have done, as the immense fear of “messing up our kids” overcame me. How could we believe that uprooting all of the loving and secure connections we have made back home to make this great quest to the West was actually the right thing to do? Thankfully, I have been here before and was able to tenderly remind myself of exactly why we did this. I walked right into these challenges wholeheartedly. A clearer minded me, embraces the challenges that arise from different, unknown and difficult. Because something I believe to be true with all of my heart is that, compassion, acceptance and love for all people is fostered out of diverse interactions and tough situations.

You see, one of the primary struggles I have with our family being alternatively educated is the potential risk it has for lacking diversity in the experiences we encounter with other people in the community. Now, hold on. I know some of you will instantly think “Here we go again. Don’t you bother starting with the socialization debate!” However, I have to stop you mid thought because I am not talking about socialization at all. In fact, I am very well aware of the ample opportunities available for socialization for home learners/alternative students through independent schools, co-ops, extracurricular activities and more.

No, I am not talking about that at all. I am speaking more specifically about the diversity within these activities instead. When I made the decision for our family to become unschoolers, I went through so many layers of consideration on the matter. As we begin our sixth year with the decision, I am quite aware of the factors that have given me comfort and those I have struggled with. One really big struggle I have had often is with regards to diversity and I’ll tell you why. When I first began to consider home learning I think I was mostly operating from a place a fear, which I am certain others can relate to. Fear that my children would encounter any of the experiences that caused me pain or discomfort during my childhood and like most people, many of those took place at school.

But as I settled in to our decision, the fears I carried took a shift. As I began relationships with other home learning families, and visited the alternative education options in my community I noticed some things to be true. What I noticed is that the broad scope of the alternative education community appeared to be predominantly made up of families with high socioeconomic status (SES). So, while back when I was a new momma this was precisely what I was seeking, it is an area of discomfort for me now and I’ll tell you why.

As I have grown as a parent and began to heal parts of myself that were wounded from my childhood, I have developed a great deal of tenderness and self-love for not only myself but my mom as well. Even as I began my journey as a mother I was more certain than ever that my duty was to give my children everything I never had. They wouldn’t be poor, they wouldn’t go to school and if they did it had to be private, and they must never struggle. However, through the healing I’ve received from watching my children grow and being a part of their experiences of life, I have come to realize how much I actually like myself and who I’ve become. So as this became increasingly apparent to me, I started to question what things I might duplicate from my childhood rather than avoid.

The thing that stands out the most to me is the richness of diversity in my life, most of which came from the decisions and risks that my own mother made as she parented myself and my three sisters. We were poor, my sisters and I were mixed race, my mom was a single parent and we were a household of five women. We certainly did not fit the mould of a traditional family by any means.  Perhaps this was because mom has always been the kind of person who rooted for the underdog and taught us to do the same. Even when it was to her own demise at times, she gave everything she had to anyone who needed it. My mother modelled empathy and compassion in everything that she did and even though at times I didn’t understand it in my youth, I am so grateful that she was my teacher.

When I consider the reasons that my mom is the way that she is, as with myself I do not believe it is because of the lack of struggle and diverse experiences in her life. No, in fact, it is very much the opposite. Raised in an upper middle-class family in Ancaster ON, probably not one of the most SES diverse places in the world, my mom was also adopted. Being adopted has caused her a great deal of pain and discomfort however it is probably one of the single and most important pieces to consider in how my mother was gifted with the incredible ability to empathize and have compassion the way she does. The unique experience of adoption and feeling different opened her empathic ability to a much larger group outside of her tribe of origin.

I want to clarify that I am in no way suggesting that anyone who does not experience great hardship or pain will be lacking in empathy, but I think I am making some valuable connections here. I recently enjoyed an article titled “The Limits of Empathy” published by Uplift Connect on Facebook, that really hammered home some solid findings on empathy and the biological science behind it. Without getting too technical, and I do highly recommend reading it yourself, the author basically explains that ancestrally, we as a species are more capable of providing empathy to people who are similar to ourselves. You can probably relate this to your own experiences and feelings on any of the leading issues of controversy in the world today. It has been discovered that oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone” also acts as a driving force behind empathic ability. While it strengthens feelings of love amongst people within your circle, it can reinforce a tribal mentality and evoke fear and mistrust towards those who come from outside of our social circles.

It is for these reasons that I am contending for diversity as a catalyst for empathy in our lives. If we actually have a biological predisposition to dislike, avoid and disagree with those who are different from ourselves yet empathy and compassion are essential to the vitality of our society, the only apparent solution is to encounter as many diverse experiences with as many different types of people, as often as we can. This way, we will have more similarities woven into our connections and our tribal instincts will adapt to them instead. Mix things up. Befriend opposites and work through the challenges that arise from it. Talk to your kids about how different can be uncomfortable and why it is important to embrace differences anyways. Model this in every way that you can.  Fear is what prevents people from connection but if we can consciously walk through the unknown in order to reap the reward of acceptance and love on the other side, the risk is SO worth it.

In the traditional school system children from all walks of life are grouped together in classrooms upwards of 30 or more children. And while at times, the differences may lead to bullying, exclusion and intolerance, diversities in class, race, gender, learning abilities, sexuality and religious beliefs are certainly encountered daily by children attending school, which does offer increased opportunities for learning empathy. As alternative families on the other hand, the goal of diversity as a bridge to empathy is one that needs to be much more intentional. What we do have working to our advantage though, is that choosing the path less travelled with alternative educations means that we are already intentional by nature. So it’s simple. All we need to do is add diversity to the top of our priority lists, and the rest will fall into place on its own. Goodbye fear, exclusion, and intolerance. Hello empathy, compassion and love!

Smiles and Love.

 Here is the link to the article on empathy I mentioned:

http://upliftconnect.com/the-limits-of-empathy/

Chelsea Bohnert is a We Learn Naturally Blog contributor and advisor for We Learn Naturally.  She unschools her children, thinks critically, learns constantly, and creates strong communities everywhere she goes (including coastal B.C. where she currently resides.)  Thanks for the blog Chelsea!

Living in our Calling: The Earlier the Better by Chelsea

This post was written by Chelsea Bohnert, the newest member of the We Learn Naturally family.  Chelsea will be a facilitator at The Barn School and future director of DiverseCity School in Central Hamilton (2020).  We welcome Chelsea with much love and enthusiasm!

Living in our Calling: The Earlier the Better

How many times growing up did you hear the ever common question, “What do YOU want to be when you grow up?” Countless, I’m sure. Coming from teachers, relatives, or peers with nothing but good intentions rooted in encouragement and of course a desire to motivate success.

Unfortunately, good intentions don’t always have the most positive implications and that is certainly the case for this overused question. Here’s the thing. I actually loved being asked that question. In fact, I have probably asked and answered that question to myself, at least 1000 times! I’ve obsessed over that stupid question, and strived for the answer (and changed my answer) most of my young life. I’ve wanted to be….

Famous, a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a dentist (and yes at some point for me each of these were actually true) but most of all, no matter what the career choice, I wanted to be successful! Successful… I desperately wanted to be successful, and while most would conclude that to be a good thing, the problem was in how I defined success. How do you define it?

Well, if we go back to the, oh-so familiar “what do you want to be…” question, it is obvious that many of us define success by what we are to “become” as adults. What career we have, who we marry, where we travel, what we own, and the list goes on…and on………and on. So much emphasis is placed on this supposed end result. That everything we do in our childhood, adolescence and young adulthood will culminate to the final moment when we ascertain “success”.

Some of us buy into this gimmick of success more than others, but to be honest the outcome is no better for the ones chasing the illusion than for those who don’t have any hope of achieving this externally measured “success”. It’s so sad really. That so many people will let the belief that success is measured this way prevent them from stepping into their true calling, whatever it may be. While others, like me, waste so much time trying to become successful that we too can miss out on what our calling is.

To me, true success is just that. Growing into our calling and living in that calling as it evolves and changes through life. There is no end. It cannot be attained simply by purchasing it or by earning it through a degree or a promotion. And while it may very well include the attainment of these things, we fulfill our calling when we find inner peace and are in love with how we are living each day as humans, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

I am so very grateful for the experiences in my life and the way they have shaped me. Today, I can finally say that I have stepped into my calling as a woman, mother, wife and teacher, and that I feel far greater success than I could have ever imagined. The success that I am feeling has nothing to do with money, what I own, where I travel, my physical appearance, or who I know and who knows me. Instead, it has everything to do with the fact that I have finally stopped measuring success externally and recognize that everything I am meant to offer the world has been inside of me the whole time!

Isn’t this what we should be teaching little humans right from the get go? As they come to us for guidance and wisdom, shouldn’t we replace “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with, “WHO do you want to be RIGHT NOW?”  I believe it is our duty as parents, caregivers, and teachers, to empower children to believe in themselves and to step into their callings from as early on as possible.

Instead of telling kids what to think and learn or what they should work towards, we need to begin asking different questions. What makes you smile? Who do you look up to and why? What things would you change about our world if the choice was yours? What are you curious about? What do you really like about yourself? What things about yourself do you want to work on?

If young people are being regularly asked questions like these, success is inevitable--true success, not the illusionary type. 

Freedom to grow. Support to learn. Nurturance to become.

Doesn’t We Learn Naturally’s mission capture every last sentiment of my post and more? I feel honoured, blessed, and scream-from-a-mountain-top excited, to be welcomed by such an incredible organization and to become a part of The Barn School!  After years of searching, learning and growing personally, I am so ready to live in my calling. To foster connections and join young people on their journey of self-discovery so they too, can step into who they are called to be….the earlier the better!

Chelsea

Learn more about Chelsea's passions by checking out her website www.bethechangecanada.me

Creative Leap

There are so many people who have an vision of what the perfect educational environment is.  I am part of a new Facebook group that aims to discuss alternatives to education in our area.  It’s a new group, so we are really just sharing our backgrounds and the type of education we wanted for our children.  As I read through the introductions, I found myself inspired, impressed, and amazed by these brilliant and motivated minds coming together! 

And then I felt pangs of self-doubt about We Learn Naturally.  Who am I to think I can do this?  I’ve got some great facilitators on board here, but what if I can’t give them what they need?  What if We Learn Naturally fails?  (Believe me, I am regularly reminded of all the ways it could fail!)  I am trying my best, and all of the facilitators and their families are giving a lot of themselves for this, but what if it isn’t enough?  What if it doesn’t meet expectations of the families?  What if We Learn Naturally isn’t what people are looking for?

Self-doubt and shame go hand in hand for me.  I find them crippling.  They knock me off and I shut down.  So for a day, I retreated into myself.  It’s the only way I know how to get grounded again. 

And in my retreat, knowing I was in a serious shame-spiral, I did a quick search of all things related to Brene Brown and I came across this podcast.  Take a moment and give it a listen.

http://explore.brainpickings.org/post/129234866348/the-question-becomes-whats-worth-doing-even-if

After retreating and this podcast, I found my footing again.  This is what I am trying to do.  I am trying to give kids an environment that allows them to express themselves as they need to.  I am trying to shield them from judgement because through their self-expression, they will find peace in themselves.  They don’t need to be famous or make a living through their means of self-expression, they just need to be given the space to do what they need to do.  I’m doing my best to lower the risk threshold so that they can follow their creativity and be more whole because of it.

This podcast also helped me to reflect back to the new Facebook group.  We all have different visions of the ideal education and different routes to reach those ideals.  We don’t need to be aligned.  We are each following our own creative path and if we can create the right community of openness, we can help each other.  We can expand this pie.

And I'm back.  Shame spiral and self-doubt are done.

Making the decision to start We Learn Naturally also involved a phone call to a friend who regularly makes the choice to embark on her own creative leaps into the air.  Sometimes she falls, which hurts, and sometimes she has this amazing jump and she lands beautifully.  And just like in the podcast, she said it's not actually about the landing, it's about the time you spend in the air...and my dear friend made it clear that for her, there was no choice but to make that creative jump.  She couldn't NOT do it. 

We Learn Naturally embodies all I have learned so far in life.  That's a pretty huge statement, no wonder I am scared. 
But right now I am so thankful to be making this creative leap.

Invited Conversations

Have you ever thought about what or who you invite into your space?  The people you interact with, the things you read, watch, and listen to all have an impact on the way you think, perceive, and evolve as a person.

Recently a friend shared a story on Facebook.  As a child, she remembered her mother regularly invited inspiring women into her home.  Women that her mother admired, women that her mother believed in, women that opened her mother's eyes.  They talked about things that mattered to them, often from a feminist perspective, usually while their children played nearby.  My friend recounted that listening to pieces of those conversations with positive, creative, intelligent women inspired her to pursue a successful academic career in social work.  As an adult, she surrounded herself with people that were in the top of their studies, discussing the world around them in thoughtful and insightful ways...as her children played nearby no less.  Now that her children are reaching young adulthood, she is in awe of their level of activism, confidence, and intelligence.  This wasn't just a case of good genes.  This was an example of the "invited conversations" that children overheard, observed, and played in close proximity to.  Reading her post on Facebook, I thought, this is just the world that John Holt wished for children everywhere.  This is what John Holt thought was so beautiful about children in alternative learning communities.  This is truly natural learning.

I was reading a post by Business Insider about how successful people get things done in a day and one of the tips was to surround yourself with other high achievers.  Sometimes the conversations we "invite" into our home are not of our choosing; and it doesn't necessarily mean you cut these people out of your life.  Using Beyoncé as an example, they made a good point about how important it is to surround yourself with people that leave you feeling inspired.  Surrounding yourself with the type of people you want to be like will encourage you to rise to their level.  If you have limited time in your day to spend with others, it makes sense to be a "relationship minimalist" and try your best to spend time with people that leave you feeling energized. 

As my friend's multi-generational example illustrates, children can benefit from the conversations we invite into our lives too.  I remember reading interviews from Martin Luther King's children in which they talked about their memories of childhood.  I'm sure that having Martin Luther King as a father was inspiring enough, (can you imagine the bedtime stories?) but they also mentioned how, as children, playing around or near inspirational members of their community had an impact on their developing sense of self.  Several generations of the Kennedys had similar insights.  Mya Angelou, in her wisdom, would often invite the children in her neighborhood to play in and around her house, knowing that was the way wisdom was passed on. 

Children are like little seeds, planted in our care.  We give them the basics, but the environment we surround them with and the conversations we invite into our homes, have such an influential role to play in the people they are becoming. 

Are you surrounding yourself with people that inspire you to be the best you possible?  Who do you need to "cut back on" to be a better you?  Who would you like to add to your circle to help you grow?  What sort of conversations would you like your children to overhear? 

The Orchid and the Dandelion

A few years ago I came across an article in the Atlantic about parenting and genetics called "The Science of Success".  The general idea, sometimes referred to as the Orchid and the Dandelion, describes the interplay between nature and nurture in terms of the effects that parenting and environments have on the ways in which our genetics are expressed. 

When I first read this article, I woke my husband up just to tell him about it!  I was so excited!  This made so much sense to me as a parent and a teacher!  This is going to revolutionize the way we interact with children and look at mental illness I proclaimed!  That was five years ago and I still think this theory is a game changer.






The theory, which is still being tested, says that the "children who suffer most from bad environments also profit the most from good ones" (quoted from the article linked above).  This makes sense to me.  As a public school teacher, I recognized that many kids do just fine in the structure of our public school system...but I have also witnessed some children STRUGGLING in school.  The environment just isn't set up for some kids.  Sitting in chairs when their bodies want to move, digesting material that doesn't interest them, held to a standard they feel they cannot reach, compared to their peers and feeling ashamed for performing less than the top of the class.  I have taught so many orchids in the public system and it's heart breaking!  I feel I should add that I taught in a good community with loving families.  These were "good kids".  In the end, this was just not an environment set up for orchid children to blossom. 



Recognizing this, I naturally started to wonder, if these kids are the orchids of the class, what do they need to blossom?  My conclusions were simple yet difficult to implement in our current institutional framework; freedom, respect, love, and nature.



As I thought more about the orchid hypothesis (a.k.a plasticity hypothesis, the sensitivity hypothesis, or the differential-susceptibility hypothesis if you want to Google it by a different name), is that these orchid children actually magnify for all of us the environments that everyone blossoms or struggles in.  Really, all children reach their full potential in an environment that provides freedom of choice, respect for personhood, and unconditional love.  A dandelion will also become a healthier, more robust plant in good soil with ample water and sun.  Shouldn't we want all our children to reach their full potential?  The orchids show us when we are on the right track. 




At We Learn Naturally, we seem to be attracting some parents whom I suspect are orchids themselves.  They are intelligent, gentle, loving parents who are aware of how the learning environment impacts  their children.   We have also spoken to parents of "orchid" children.  There is a feeling of relief as they share their story and articulate how our program offerings fit with the needs of their children.  The trickier part is actually convincing the parents of dandelion children to make the leap.  How do you show parents of kids who are essentially doing just fine that life could be even better?


I'd love to hear your thoughts!








P.S.  I really love dandelions.  This flower is a beauty in all stages of it's life, nourishing for bees and bugs (humans too!), a prolific bloomer, and a steadfast multiplier.  What's not to love? ;)