And then I felt pangs of self-doubt about We Learn Naturally. Who am I to think I can do this? I’ve got some great facilitators on board here, but what if I can’t give them what they need? What if We Learn Naturally fails? (Believe me, I am regularly reminded of all the ways it could fail!) I am trying my best, and all of the facilitators and their families are giving a lot of themselves for this, but what if it isn’t enough? What if it doesn’t meet expectations of the families? What if We Learn Naturally isn’t what people are looking for?
Self-doubt and shame go hand in hand for me. I find them crippling. They knock me off and I shut down. So for a day, I retreated into myself. It’s the only way I know how to get grounded again.
And in my retreat, knowing I was in a serious shame-spiral, I did a quick search of all things related to Brene Brown and I came across this podcast. Take a moment and give it a listen.
After retreating and this podcast, I found my footing again. This is what I am trying to do. I am trying to give kids an environment that allows them to express themselves as they need to. I am trying to shield them from judgement because through their self-expression, they will find peace in themselves. They don’t need to be famous or make a living through their means of self-expression, they just need to be given the space to do what they need to do. I’m doing my best to lower the risk threshold so that they can follow their creativity and be more whole because of it.
This podcast also helped me to reflect back to the new Facebook group. We all have different visions of the ideal education and different routes to reach those ideals. We don’t need to be aligned. We are each following our own creative path and if we can create the right community of openness, we can help each other. We can expand this pie.
And I'm back. Shame spiral and self-doubt are done.
Making the decision to start We Learn Naturally also involved a phone call to a friend who regularly makes the choice to embark on her own creative leaps into the air. Sometimes she falls, which hurts, and sometimes she has this amazing jump and she lands beautifully. And just like in the podcast, she said it's not actually about the landing, it's about the time you spend in the air...and my dear friend made it clear that for her, there was no choice but to make that creative jump. She couldn't NOT do it.We Learn Naturally embodies all I have learned so far in life. That's a pretty huge statement, no wonder I am scared.
But right now I am so thankful to be making this creative leap.